90s trends that I miss... and some that I don't.

Once, in high school, a teacher was telling my class some background information on himself. At one point, he told us that he graduated from college in 1990. All at once, every single person in my class piped up:
"THAT'S THE YEAR I WAS BORN!"
All my teacher said was, "It has begun...."

So, yeah. I was born in the 90s. And that seems to blow a lot of people's minds. What's most frustrating to me is that all these high-and-mighty grad students (some of whom were born in 1989 and 1988 lets remember) insist that I know nothing about the 90s because I was too young.

BLASPHEMY.

I've forgotten more about the macarena than you'll ever know. Why? Because I lived it, man. I didn't just read about how crazy kids were about Beanie Babies... I WAS THAT CHILD (shout out to my homies Seaweed the otter and Velvet the panther)

Pour some out for one's fallen brethren

 I still vividly remember that my sister had a light brown monkey that was her favorite beanie baby, and my brother had a shark. I believe his name was... Chompers?

So here is a list of my favorite and least favorite 90s phenomena, from a girl who was the perfect age to enjoy them.

90s fads I miss


1)Tamagotchi
Guys, Tamagotchi was the greatest thing to me. We didn't have video games, so the Tamagotchi was the closest thing I had. As I recall, we got our Tamagotchis from a family friend who was tired of theirs. I don't imagine that my parents would have actually paid for Tamagotchis, and I don't blame them. They were the stupidest things... and I loved them. The fact that it could poop and eat made it the greatest toy ever. Also the fact that if you didn't clean up after it, the Tamagotchi would die in its own feces. That is... disturbing on several levels.

I appreciate the stink lines

That's him dead because you didn't clean his poop. Presumably that is a halo. Although he also looks a bit like a ghost. So... who knows.


2) NOT!
I miss the expression "not!" more than I am comfortable admitting. In fact, I still use it whenever possible and I would like to one day be credited with bringing it back. Sometimes I fantasize about hilarious ways to use "not!"

Examples:

1. On my deathbed. "Hey grandkids see you at your next birthday! NOT!" *dies*
2. On my gravestone. Hannah was generous millionaire who everyone loved. NOT! She was a billionaire.
3. George Clooney deserves all the hype. NOT! He deserves to have his eyebrows plucked out.

3) Lucky rabbit's feet
*disclaimer: I have never owned a rabbit's foot that was actually a rabbit's foot. I have only owned the ones made of cotton, plastic and faux fur*

Of all my tacky gift store purchases, lucky rabbit's feet were my most common. But somehow, I never built up a collection. I assume that I lost every rabbit's foot almost immediately after getting it. Somewhere, someone has a vast collection of rabbit's feet collected solely from children dropping them in the first 5 steps out of the gift store.

I can't think of a more disgusting souvenir than rabbit's feet. Whether or not the rabbit's foot is real, the idea is nauseating. You're keeping the foot of an animal on a key chain. For luck. But somehow, I find myself wishing that lucky rabbit's feet would make a comeback. Then again, I'm not really a rabbit fan.

 meh. 

One day, bunny, your foot will be dyed neon green and I shall attach it to my car keys. Between my souvenir bottle opener and the mini flashlight I use to find my dog's poop when I take her for night walks. So you know... it'll be treated with dignity.

4) Recess (T.V. Show)
My siblings and I did not have the good fortune of Cartoon Network or the Disney Channel (Yet somehow, I made it  through) so I only got to watch non-Arthur cartoons once a week. Saturday morning. And it was glorious. Rather than list every single T.V. show that I miss (because that woud be every single T.V. show in the 90s) I'm just going to describe my big favorite: Recess.

One guess as to who I most related to.

Gretchen Grundler, what what!

Nope, not Gretchen. Good guess though. She and I did share several physical characteristics. 

Spinelli! She was so badass. Plus I was a bit of a tomboy. One year I was invited to four birthday parties where I was the only girl there. 

Who remembers when it turned out Spinelli's name was actually Ashley so she had to go join the Ashleys in their tire tower clubhouse?! I was heartbroken. 

Side note: Randall, the little sniveling boy who tattled to Ms. Finster, reminds me of Moe Syzlak from The Simpsons. 

90s fads I don't miss


1) Furbys
I have almost zero first hand experience with Furbys. I don't remember if I asked for one, but I doubt it. I'm fairly certain that they terrified me. Someone brought their Furby to church once and I got to look at it, but that was about it. I hear that it could learn its own name... not sure if that was true.

I was once told by a friend that their Furby woke up in the middle of the night, and she could hear it saying her name from the closet. WHAT. No. That ain't happening. They must never make a comeback. Do you know what they look like without their cute fur?

HOLD YOUR CHILDREN CLOSE AND KISS YOUR WIVES!!! THIS IS THE END. 

2) Crazy Bones
I was under the impression that Crazy Bones were a fad everywhere, but apparently I was wrong. They were HUGE at my grade school. They were small plastic teeth with faces. And you collected them. It's possible that there was a game that had to do with them... but I don't really think so.

Hors d'oeuvre? Champagne? Crazy Bone?

Oh man there were so many knock offs of Crazy Bones, but there could only be one original. I couldn't find any good photos of the plastic originals, but this is them in drawing form:

Some were rarer than others. I remember I had a glow in the dark "Eggy" (third from left on top row) and it was super rare. Whatever that meant. I don't know what happened to mine. Presumably, my mom threw them away because they were the dumbest toy ever. 

3) The Cha Cha slide


If the cha cha slide plays at my wedding I will leave. In general, I don't like songs where the singer tells me what to do. It makes me feel like DJ Casper (inventor of the cha cha slide) gathered every single race except white people around him, then he said, "Look what I can make white people do as long and I give them explicit instructions!"

And it works! People (and I'm referring particularly to teenage girls here) will stand at the edges of a party being all, "I can't dance" until the cha cha slide comes on and suddenly they must be on the dance floor and they must be there RIGHT NOW.

To my memory, this is exactly how every single cha-cha slide looks:

Okay now you really enthusiastic nerdy girls... to the front! Cooler girls who don't want to seem too eager and whose bodies have already developed... hang back! Boys, clump together in the middle so you can look at girl's butts but so you don't really have to dance. Other boys, hang off to the side and pretend you don't hear the music or see the dancing. But stay in the back so you can still look at butts.

4) Plastic covers on tags of beanie babies
The worst kinds of friends were the ones who wouldn't let you play with their beanie baby because it was "rare" or "special" or some crap like that.

PROTECT THE TAG!

I had this horse beanie baby that had a white circle on its nose which meant it was "rare" so I didn't play with it. POINTLESS. Because how much is that white-nosed horse worth now? Exactly what I paid for it 8 years ago.

And the worst were the friends that said, "oh you can play with the squirrel because I already accidentally ripped off its tag" but then they would play with the awesome cat beanie baby because it had a manufacturing defect where it had 5 whiskers instead of 6. So it would be worth 500 million dollars one day. NOT!

(bringing it back!)

5) Fruit stripes gum

Taste that lasts for seconds!

Hi. Terrible. That's all I have to say.




And finally... trends that I never experienced but I'm sure were awesome


1) Easy Bake Oven
2) Any video game
3) Any cable T.V. show before 2005.
4) Limited Too


So what did I miss? I feel like there are some serious holes in this list