Your first year, post-grad. As told by the movie 1776

The year is 1972. You're listening to Harry Nilsson's Without You because you've just gone through a tough breakup. Suddenly - a preview for a movie comes across your television. You get up to adjust your rabbit ears, narrowly avoiding the fondue pot that you've left out on the floor.

What is this movie? It's set in colonial times, but everyone is singing. The graphics... so crisp. So modern. You get a premonition that the lead actor will go on to star in a 90s teen sitcom.

You guessed it. It's 1776. The 1972 movie retelling of a musical that premiered on Broadway in 1969.

Is everyone still following? Yes? On we go. Because I'm about to write something that only ten people will find funny. But guys... the eleven of us are going laugh our asses off.

Here we go. A guide to your first year of post-grad, from someone who just survived it. As told by 1776.

So you graduated, huh? Feels pretty good.

You're finally done writing those endless papers.

 

Maybe you feel like telling off that terrible professor. You know. The one who made you study over SPRING BREAK?!?

But hey, man. Don't live in the past. That's not what graduation is about. Why don't you go out and have a drink with your friends?

Because pretty soon you're going to look  around and notice that everyone is leaving for fancy new jobs/opportunities.

 

And you'll start going off on interviews of your own. They will not always go well. Be sure to stay cheerful! When you psyche yourself up in the mirror, say this:

Not this:

 

Employers won't be interested once they see that you have no real-world experience. You'll try to run through your interview spiel that you've had memorized for months. But their eyes will glaze over after a few minutes.

Maybe your potential employer will ask you how you're planning on showing them that you want this job.

But eventually someone will recognize you for being awesome. 

When you're celebrating your new job at the bar, a more successful friend might corner you.

They will have incredible job offers that they can't wait to tell you about. "Have you heard I'm moving to San Francisco to open up a therapeutic bee colony that teaches at-risk youths about child development?!?"

 

They might throw in a backdoor brag when they hear that you just accepted a mainstream job. "Oh, you're thinking of entering the 9-5 work force? I couldn't possibly imagine myself there. I think it would crush my soul. But good for you! You're so grown up!"

And then you'll smile at them all,

 

But ask me, how do I feel about paid vacation?

 

To paraphrase Dr. Seuss's "Oh the Places You'll Go"

"You're well on your way, so just go out there and do whatever makes you happy. Stop asking me for advice. I'm a book. Perhaps you should have picked up 'Yertle the Turtle' instead. Oh the places you'll go, indeed!"

If you don't remember that part of the book, don't go back and check. Just trust that I am always correct.

 

Also trust the fact that I just quintupled the number of 1776 gifs on the internet.