Sunday, April 29, 2012

Another Romney post that isn't about politics at all

So there's this guy, Mitt Romney. You've probably heard of him once or twice. Running for President of the United States. Or so I have read.

As soon as the GOP primaries started I thought to myself, "That man looks like someone from TV and I must know who it is RIGHT NOW."

But I couldn't figure it out. I knew it was a TV show I used to watch, but that doesn't narrow down my field very much. That is, until I started watching Lost again because it seems like everyone and their mother is watching it. That's when I saw it:


Right?! Come on! I'm freaking out about it. Please tell me that I'm not crazy. Someone else has to see it.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

20 things I would rather do than write a cover letter

I'm applying for real-life jobs right now and it is a struggle. 

It made me realize, if push came to shove, these are some things I think are terrible, but I'd STILL rather do them than finish writing this cover letter:

1) Lick my dog's nose

Dem glasses

2) Eat a banana off my kitchen's disgusting floor. (did that already today, by the way)

4) Wear blue eyeshadow like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show to class for an entire day.
Just got an idea for my next Halloween costume

5) Learn how to number my lists. Because I definitely skipped #3 up there ^

6) Give myself a papercut under my fingernail

7) Force myself watch George Clooney's overrated acting for 3 hours. 

Shut up, George Clooney. 

8) Watch that scene from Homeward Bound where Shadow falls in a pit. 

9) Smile and nod while you tell me about how stressful Freshman year has been for you.

10) Smile and nod while you tell me that you wear yoga pants because they're comfortable, not because it makes your butt look good.

11) Go jean shopping

12) Eat a fist full of cilantro. 

13) Scrape my toenail on the cement when I'm walking beside a pool. 

14) Listen to someone explain to me how The Big Bang Theory has really "smart humor" and that's probably why I don't like it. 

15) Clean a toilet at Arby's

16) Watch "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days"  every single  time it's on TV. About twice per week. 

17) Get in the grocery line with the overly chatty cashier. 

18) Listen to someone in class who thinks that they’re the first person to realize that young people don’t communicate unless it's through text, tweet or post. Yeah. We know. Everyone knows. Everyone probably wrote a paper about it within the last month. Stop acting like you’ve had an epiphany. I heard this the other day in class:

“It’s like... with the creation of the Internet, no one has any real friends anymore. We’re all just talking at each other not with each other.”

Gahhhhh I just.. hate so much about the things that you choose to do.

19) Watch Sandra Bullock get the Oscar for Best Actress over and over and over and over.

20) Eat an egg salad sandwich.

***editor's note: adding in a 21 option because technically I skipped #3**

21) Pick up my razor when it falls behind our terrifying bathtub


Anything I've missed? I think I've postponed for long enough. Back to applications!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Madison Bucket List: Part Deux

When other people read the phrase "part deux" do you imagine that T.V. show "I love the 90s: PART DEUX" when they talked about Animaniacs and Supermarket Sweep and that creepy dancing baby?

No? Right. Me neither. 

Side note: Anyone remember when Michael Ian Black was on "I Love the 90s?" He was talking about Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman and he said "Women doctors? Soon they'll want the vote!" When I was 16 I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. 

Again, no? Well look here if you want to see it anyway. 

I digress...

Madison Bucket List: Part Deux (Days 6-12)

Day 6: Go to Johnny O's, Monday's, Logan's, City Bar & Hawk's for the first time. 

First of all, are there any bars in Madison that aren't possessive names? Because I can also add to that list: Lucky's, Chaser's, Whisky Jack's, Frida's, Paul's Club, Wando's, Genna's, Jordan's Big 10, Cooper's Tavern, Moe's and Dotty's Dumpling Dowry. I can't think of any more, but I'm sure there are some. 

Anyway, I went to all of these bars in one night. As it turns out, one mixed drink per bar ends up being a lot of alcohol when you go to 5 bars in a row. It's okay, I had people to guide me home. And buy pizza on the way. 

Day 7: Self defense class

So this isn't exactly Madison-specific, but I took the class on Monona Terrace and it was sponsored by a group from Madison. Plus I've always wanted to take a self-defense class. And I was AWESOME at it. Me and my roommate Hannah were basically the rockstars of the class. And by that I mean that we self-defended each other in the corner, laughing as we put each other in headlocks. 

But we really did take it seriously and I definitely recommend it to any college girls. Or boys, for that matter. And I won 3 months free to a kickboxing gym so... you know. Attackers beware!

Day 8: I forgot.

This was my day of rest. I believe it was Sunday, and in the words of Chandler from Friends:

Chandler: No, no, no, no, no. No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on Sunday. 
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day. 

I feel that way about running, too. Except replace the word "sunday" with the phrase "any day of the week."

Day 9: Trivia at Chasers

So I've only ever participated in one game of bar trivia before, and I wasn't that involved. Of course, I wasn't really involved in this one either. But I went, dammit!

My dream is to be a 20-something and have a bowling league and a trivia team with other people my age and we will get matching polos and we will ALWAYS WIN EVERY GAME. And our name will be the Pin Pals, named after Homer's bowling league in the Simpsons.

Days (10-12): UW Marching Band Spring Concert

I didn't have time to do new things this weekend because I was in the middle of our annual spring concert... which is a little difficult to describe. So I will just leave a picture. 

So that is what I was up to. It was my first LAST Spring Concert weekend and I was in a bit of a depression spiral/life crisis. 

Thank goodness I have my Madison Bucket List to focus on or I'd have to start focusing on my real life. And nobody wants that. 

And once again, Hannah. Way to end it on a depressing/boring note. 

Here's a GIF to cheer up this ending. It's my reaction whenever someone asks me if I'd like a side salad instead of fries.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Madison Bucket List


First of all, Blogger just got all fancy and now I can look at all the general stats of the people reading my blog. Lets guess which Google word search brings people to my blog the most.

Wait for it...

Waaaaaaiiiit for it.....


I'm so happy I could cry. Also, if you're worried that now I can see exactly who is reading/how many times they are reading, I can't. I can only see general things like what countries are reading (Egypt and Ukraine, how you doin?) and which operating systems are being used to view my blog the most (Windows, thanks so much for the unending support.)

So I'm gonna go ahead and spend the next 4 hours learning exactly how everything on the new Blogger works. But first!

I've been keeping something from this blog. A terrible secret. 

Just kidding I have zero secrets. I'm no where near mysterious enough for secrets. But I have been keeping one thing off the blog. I'm calling it my Madison Bucket List. I didn't put it up because I was thinking I'd do it just for myself and then post it once I was done. Then I ended up telling everyone (once again, no secrets) because it turns out that bucket lists are better with friends. 

Did I use WordArt? Obviously. 

What is a Madison Bucket List? Thank you for asking. It's a list of entirely achievable adventures or tasks that I somehow never got around to doing in these last four years at Madison. I'm trying to do one per day. 

And everyone that I've talked to about it have been incredibly interested. Also very willing to help a lady out. I received many requests to post my adventures here, so I'll just start by posting what I've done so far. 

**editor's note: No just kidding I won't post everything I've done so far because that makes for a REALLY long blog post so this is going to be divided up. Enjoy days 1-5**

Madison Bucket List (Days 1-5)

Day 1) Try a new flavor of Babcock ice cream

For those wondering how liberal of a campus Madison is, please direct your questions to my roommate's bumper stickers

For those of you unfamiliar with Babcock Ice Cream, it's pretty great. It's primarily student run, and it's only available in Madison so I figure it's the perfect thing to start off my list. The flavor was Union Utopia: peanut butter caramel and chocolate. I think. Apparently I'm the only person in Madison that hadn't tried the flavor, based on the reactions I got when I told people that it was the flavor I chose.

Day 2: Read The Onion cover to cover

Did you know that The Onion was founded by two UW-Madison juniors? That's right. We're awesome. Anyway, because of that UW-Madison has hard copies of The Onion at every campus building and at every street corner. And yet I've still never read it cover to cover! I've definitely read it before, but only enough to read the stories with the funniest headlines. This time, I sat down and read every little thing in that paper.

My favorite headline: "Rod Stewart Mistaken for Elderly Aunt"

Day 3: Go back to Pop's as a senior

That beautiful building is where I got my food every day as a freshman. It's where I ate a croissant at every meal and wondered why I was gaining weight. It's where I voted for the first time (because for some reason we voted in our dining hall). If you go in and turn left, you get to Pop's, which has hot food that you put on a tray and pay for the regular way. To the right is Ed's, which is like a mini mall. Also it had pizza. And maybe wraps? I don't really remember.

This stunning building is being knocked down soon, so I thought I'd stop by and give it my last respects. Unfortunately I thought of this at about 11:40 pm and I was freaking out about getting my Bucket List item done by midnight, so my roommate Maggie and I sped there on our bikes, only to find that Pop's was closed for the night.

Not to be discouraged, we went to Ed's instead. But I had to do something that I'd never done before for the list, so we bought a pint of Babcock ice cream (which I've never done before!) ( I know that's basically what I did the first day) (Shut it).

Day 4: Go to Johnny O's

Or in my case, stand in line at Johnny O's for two seconds because the line was too long. But don't worry, I went back later.

So, there are about a million bars in Madison, and I've been to about 5 of them. For many reasons, the biggest being that I turned 21 very late. But I really want to get to all the college bars before I leave because I know I won't want to go back to them once I've graduated.

I mean, it's already a struggle to get me to go to them now. And I draw the line at Whiskey Jack's. I just... can't. Not when their website home page plays dirty country music and has pictures of girls wearing cowboy hats unironically. 

Day 5: Go to Shoo

Okay now see... some of these are going to be more interesting than others. This one is not interesting. It's a shoe store. More like a boutique, really. But it is Madison-based!

I bought a new pair of Tom's. Then the next night I wore them in a rainstorm like a FOOL and now they're covered in mud and I can't be bothered to do anything about it. They sit in my closet, mocking me. 


Wow, that was a really boring one to end on, but what can you do? The list goes on! I'm on day 13 right now. 

Here's the list of things I have not yet accomplished. Hopefully it gets warmer, otherwise canoeing and kickball might get a little difficult. 

Madison Bucket List (not yet completed)
- Watch sunrise over one of the lakes
- Buy flowers from the farmer's market
- Sit in Abe's lap (this one's waiting for graduation)
- Get dessert from Big 10
- Work out at the Nat
- Picnic at Picnic Point
- Eat at Buraka
- Buy that quarter zip from the bookstore you've wanted for 4 years
- Try the Great Dane beer flavored chocolates
- Get canoe from Hoofers
- Find someone who can sail and con them into taking you sailing
- Kickball at Vilas
- Get cupcake from Madison Sweets cupcake place

Have any ideas for what I should add? Let me know! I'm struggling to come up with cool-weather ideas.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Am I the only one who noticed?

So Verizon has a new commercial. Here it is.

It's funny, it's clever, what an original idea!

BUT OH WAIT. NO IT ISN'T AT ALL. Because SNL did the exact same thing in the early 90s. And they did it WAY BETTER.

Check out the SNL version featuring David Spade, Phil Hartman and Mike Meyers

They couldn't even come up with a new sport! Really? Basketball. Again.

Verizon didn't even try to make the idea their own. They just straight up copied it. So much so, that I thought they were doing it on purpose and they'd offer a little homage at the end. But... nope. They just let everyone believe it was original.

So, I have brought it upon myself to share the news that Verizon is the worst and they can't come up with original ideas so they steal them from sketch comedy shows. From people who aren't professional advertisers, just a bunch of writers making "mock-u-commercials" (copyright, Hannah 2012) to get some laughs.

What I'm trying to say is... Verizon, you're on my list.

Companies that have ruined themselves in my eyes because of terrible marketing
-Capital One

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Oh, Canada

That title is not supposed to be read as if you're starting the Canadian national anthem. It's meant to be read like you would say "oh, you." So more like, "oh, Canada." 

Good. I'm glad we got that all sorted out. Moving on.

I have returned victorious! I don't really know what kind of victory I've won. Certainly it was not the victory of me fitting in with the French Canadians. Because that... that did not happen. It's ridiculous that I've now visited two French speaking countries and STILL have not learned French. That is a true testament to my laziness.

Rather than describe every detail of my trip, I think I'm going to throw out a list (you know how much I love listing) of the things that surprised me most about Canadians. Or French Canadians.

Things I didn't know about Canada:

1) French Canadians love to bundle up. 

The Canadians in Montreal looked like they were preparing for the snowpocalypse. And the way they bundled their kids was even worse

Careful Jimmy... sunlight!

It was at least 55 degrees when this photo was taken. The woman is no indication of how warm it actually was because she was also overdressed. I was in jeans and a long sleeve. But I could have worn a t shirt if I wanted to. And these kids, in winter hats, gloves, coats and boots (no snow, by the way) are on the lighter side of the winter clothes spectrum. We saw one woman put her poor daughter into a straight-up Ralphie-style snow suit.

I can't put my arms down

I don't understand. When the weather gets above 50 degrees, Wisconsinites prance around outside in shorts, synchro-dancing much like the teens from Footloose. 

Plus it's the end of winter. Canadians know it's the end of winter. I hear that they've experienced winter once or twice before. So it's not like they're getting a warm snap in the middle of February and they don't want to pull out their shorts just to get burned by mother nature once more. Now that it's warm, it's gonna stay warm. BUST OUT THEM CAPRIS, PEOPLE. You only get about two months of summer up there, after all.

2) Their vending machines are healthier.

So, Canadians aren't that much healthier or skinnier than Americans. For the most part, they look and eat exactly the same. However! Their vending machines were sometimes oddly healthy.

Please, form a line. No shoving. You'll all get your share of dried fruit.

And to drink?

This was actually kind of awesome because they had chocolate milk

Milk. I remember begging my parents to give me a quarter so that I could buy a handful of some god-awful candy while they paid for groceries. Imagine my disappointment as a child if I had walked up to the vending machines and saw trail mix and milk. If I wanted trail mix and milk I would have gone to my lame friend's house where they had to eat healthy snacks because their mom was a nutritionist!

No. I'm looking for runts, or one of those sticky hands that you can throw at your brother, or perhaps those gumballs that look like watermelons. You know the ones.

3) The subway system is unsettlingly friendly and clean.

The Montreal subway is nice. Clean, futuristic, relaxed. I didn't feel like everyone was judging me for taking a few extra seconds to get my ticket through the ticket-reader. The subway system that I have the most experience with is the "El" in Chicago. And that thing is nasty. In every sense. Plus everyone is always in a hurry. If they hear a train coming from the top of the stairs you better flatten yourself against the wall because they will run you over in their mad dash to make it before the doors close. And they won't feel bad about it. Even though the trains run every 5 minutes.

But in Canada, everyone is just a little more relaxed. People let you get off the train car before they start pushing in. They don't all crowd at the door, insistent that they be the one let off first. Also, I don't know how they do it, but somehow there aren't 3 homeless men sleeping in a train car at any given time.

Plus, there's this sign

It says "Be safe and considerate." That's just nice.

4) Tim. Freaking. Hortons. 

I had never heard of Tim Hortons before this trip. Here is how my reaction to Tim Hortons went, as I began to see more and more of them.

-My first Tim Hortons: Hm. I've never heard of that restaurant. Oh well. must be Canadian.
-My second THs: Another one! Ha. Well I wonder what they serve?
-My third THs: Wow it must be a chain.
-My fourth THs: Okay what is happenin-
-My fifth THs: How is there another one already?!
-My sixth THs: Are they selling the elixir of everlasting life?
-My seventh THs: What is it? What is it? What is it? I must know. What. Is. It.
*I actually visit a Tim Hortons*
-My ninth-200th THs: Hm. Another Tim Hortons.

For those of you that don't know, Tim Hortons is basically a Dunkin Donuts. Except they offer really small sizes on all of their drinks for some reason. If you see someone in the morning drinking coffee from a to-go cup, it's going to be Tim Hortons.

But here's the thing, Canada has Dunkin Donuts too! And Starbucks. I don't know how they're managing to support these chains while still remaining steadfastly devout to their beloved Tim Hortons, but somehow they've managed it.

Every gas station? Tim Hortons. Every oasis? Tim Hortons. Every third street corner? Tim Hortons.

I only WISH I were exaggerating. An example of a Tim Hortons in the middle of Chinatown. It was not the only one.

And they're WILDLY popular. There's always a huge line. No matter what time of day. I don't want to imagine the morning rush. Here's a pic I snagged while in line at 11 am.

It was this full every single time I went in to Tim Hortons. Which was twice. So I suppose I'm no better than the Canadians. They just have such good coffee...

And that's it. My Canadian surprises. All in all, an awesome trip. I really have no good sign off here so I'm just going to leave you with an excellent GIF.

Hannah's GIF of the day: