The thing is, I watched the whole season while it was coming out in Britain, so I saw these episodes a while ago, and they're starting to blend together. As a result, I've given away a few spoilers to unsuspecting friends. ACCIDENTALLY. And you do not want to be on the wrong side of a Downton-viewer scorned.
**Side bar: Has a cutesy name REALLY not been invented for Downton Abbey viewers? Something like Clay Aiken's "Claymates" or Jimmy Buffett's "Parrot-heads?" Uh, hi. I'm definitely going to think of a good one. And I will announce it at the end of this post, when I've had time to ponder.**
So. I've decided to forgo the post that I was planning on writing about Downton Abbey because I'm afraid I'll give things away. Instead, I've come up with something that I think truly encompasses the style and grace of the Downton Abbey series. A post that could be utilized for any episode, and wouldn't contain spoilers. A post I like to call:
THE 1st ANNUAL DOWNTON ABBEY DRINKING GAME
Because nobody appreciates a good drink like those crazy Crawleys. Remember that time that Mary drank a bottle of wine and then stabbed Mr. Bates in the back with a knife that had Mrs. Patmore's fingerprints ALL OVER IT?
Guys that didn't happen. I promise I won't give anything away about the remaining episodes. In fact, this game probably won't give anything away since it's going to be a lot of blanket statements followed by GIFs that I've been collecting for a week or so. And with that in mind, lets get started.
**WARNING: You should be caught up to season 3 episode 6 to continue reading this post**
Rule 1. Take a sip of your drink every time Maggie Smith says something so devilishly sassy that you laugh out loud.
Rule 4. Let a few tears fall into your glass when it ends up blowing up in Thomas's face, and you feel so bad for him that your heart is breaking into a million pieces.
Rule 5. Let out a girly squeal and take a sip of your sherry when Branson is adorable with his baby.
Other choice quotes include:
- “Daisy, I said you could go for a drink of water, not a trip up the Nile”
- “Judas was only trying to help, when he brought the Roman soldiers to the garden”
- “Oh dear, have you swallowed a dictionary?”
- “Anyone who has use of their limbs can make a salmon mousse”
- “Of course she married beneath her. And who are you, the Habsburg Archduke?”
Rule 7. Ditto for Ms. O'Brien.
Alfred: They're showing a film tonight in the village hall. "Way Down East". It's about a wronged woman who survives in the wilderness through her own wits and courage.
O'Brien: Blimey! They've stolen my life story!
Rule 8. In fact, drink for every British phrase that you don't understand, but desperately want to start using.
Rule 9. Every time they have tea, you have tea. But yours is a Long Island Iced Tea.
I feel like tea is just what you do in this family. Meeting someone for the first time? Tea. Need to bring up a touchy subject? Tea. Trying to force a woman out of your family for fear that she'll get the family fortune and you'll be left with nothing? Tea.
Now, a year ago I was in London for three whole days and nobody offered me tea. I have to assume that I blended in so well that there was no need for the tea ice-breaker. I was basically a native. Except for the laptop that I had to carry with me everywhere and the large amount of time I spent posing for a photo in a phone booth, only to be told it is often used as a toilet for homeless men.
YOU'RE WELCOME, London.
Rule 10. Remember this guy? Pour some out for the writer that came up with the idea for this subplot and probably got fired because it was so bad.
Rule 11. Finish your drink if it took you half a season or more to realize that Cora is American.
Only when the writers spelled it out for me did I realize...
And here we are at the end. I hope you're all good and drunk. Drunk enough to enjoy the names I came up with for avid Downton Abbey watchers:
- The Downton Fabbys
- The Downton Fattys
- Downton Divas
- Ground-ton Abbey (Dibs on this name for the Downton Abbey-themed coffee shop I plan to open one day)
So enjoy this episode, ladies and gentlemen. And may I leave you with:
Jim Carter sometimes looks remarkably like Eugene Levy. That is all.