Friday, August 17, 2012

What do post grads want? Hell if I know.

So I just graduated from college. And it's weird. And I'm sitting at this coffee shop eating an orange chocolate chip scone. Pretending like nothing is different. Trying to figure out what I want, what everyone my age seems to want. It could be a fulfilling job or a partner to spend time with. A new kitten or acceptance into grad school.

After some reflection and a second scone, I have come up with a run-down of things I want to happen right now. Some of them are about big life changes, some of them are about food. Unsurprisingly.

I can only hope that there are other 20-somethings out there wanting similar things.

So. What do I want?

1) I want to wake up and suddenly like red wine. I feel like it would make me seem much older. A nice Chianti with my steak, perhaps.

*side note* I had to look up Chianti and make sure that it is, in fact, a red wine.

2) To be able to "up vote" and "down vote" comments on Facebook according to how funny or relevant to the post they are.

3) To be an extra in The Hobbit. (Yes, I know they're already filmed).

4) To be handed some sort of schedule for the next year of my life. A course guide, or maybe a list of professors I can look up. Then I'll complain to my roommates that, man... this is just going to be the worst semester ever. 

5) I want McDonalds to serve McFlurries made with chocolate ice cream. I'd also like McDonalds to permanently discontinue the Shamrock Shake. I don't understand the appeal of eating 10 oz of toothpaste.

6) I want the boxelder bugs that infested my house to suffer. Some of those bugs survived on my car after 7 hours of highway driving. And a car wash.

7) I want to be able to afford furniture that doesn't come from Ikea. Except for my precious LACK side tables. Those things rock my socks.

8) To stop being so unbearably susceptible to every illness that crosses my path. My immune system could take lessons from premature babies.

9) To create a video of me in all my Wisconsin Badger gear, running around the University of Michigan on game day.

10) I want future Hannah to follow me around so that every time I make a big decision she can assure me that I'll never regret it. Much like Katy Perry did in that music video.

There is nothing NOT hilarious about old Katy Perry singing to young Katy Perry.

11) I want to have a reason to post a Facebook status that is so exciting and awesome that I get 100+ likes. Examples include: Getting a dream job, getting accepted to medical school, winning the Nobel Peace Prize, etc.

12) I want reason to travel for my job. I'll be all, "Well I'm off to Italy to go crunch those numbers. Synergy! Job growth! Carbon footprint!"

13) I want to go do something to help humanity. Like teach deaf Haitian children how to use sign language.

14) I want this Lego set.

15) Finally, and most importantly, I want a new season of Girls to come out so that I can see my problems reflected in their 22-year-old self-absorption. And continue to pity myself for all these non-problems. Because that, really, is all I want.


  1. Dear Hannah,

    I agree with absolutely all of this. Particularly #5. A surprising amount of people seem to enjoy toothpaste. I have little faith left for humanity.

  2. Right? Every time someone offers me a sip of their shamrock shake I narrow my eyes, menacingly.

  3. Didn't we take the opportunity to do #9 that one gameday when we visited Blitz? I know I did