Thursday, August 23, 2012

What I can and cannot afford right now

Two things.

1) I got a job! A real one this time! Yes, I guess the last one was real. But when I realized they were attempting to pay me $250 for 50 hour weeks I was all, "LATA SUCKAH." Actually, because I'm terrified of confrontation I was more like "Uhm excuse me, my HR amigos. Would you mind please removing me from your list of employees because I just don't see this working out. Hope we can still be friends. Call me!"

And even that conversation required hours of pep talks from my roommates. Did I role play the conversation right before calling? Obviously.

This is me trying to "break up" with the people that hired me. Except it's Liz Lemon. Breaking up with the co-op board.

2) I've been exploring Tumblr because it's an awesome blogging tool and I'm considering making the switch. The problem is that cool, original layouts cost $39 and I can't afford it right now. Yeah. I can't afford THAT right now. Last night I had a dream that I got a manicure and when I woke up I thought, "Oh okay. I'll save for a couple months so I can afford that luxury."

Then I wept bitterly.

I need to start this job.

Other basic, human things that I've wanted to buy recently but can't afford include:

1) A knife block
2) Towels that I haven't been using for the last four years
3) The DVD Baby Mama

4) Brand name sponges

Scotch-Brite? What is this, Buckingham Palace?

Things that I didn't need but I spent the money on anyway include:

1) The biggest bag of veggie straws I've ever seen. But it was only $5 and it fed me for DAYS.
2) A ridiculously expensive iced coffee from this hipster-nonsense cafe. The barista had pierced dimples and she judged me into it. There were only 6 items on the menu. And they were all "infused" and "hand dripped" or whatever. HIPSTER NONSENSE.
3) A gas station XL t-shirt that had a wolf on it. The Megabus was freezing and I was wearing shorts. The shirt was my blanket and everyone thought I was weird.
4) Many, many pretzel rolls.

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