Tuesday, October 30, 2012

So there's a car made just for women.

Ladies. Gentlemen. Allow me to introduce you to...

... The Honda Fit She's

I just... I can't... No.

This car (produced and manufactured only in Japan) is marketed as a car for women. I'mma go ahead and say that again. A car for women. Because apparently every other car that has been produced for the last century has been for men. I would now like to go through a few of the She's features.

Feature 1. It's called She's. In case you couldn't tell from the color that it's for women. Even the most masculine car (which is... I don't know... A Dodge Ram? I know A LOT about the fellas. Obviously) is not called the Dodge Bro's. 

Feature 2. It comes in two colors. Bubblegum pink and "eyeliner brown."

Because a woman couldn't possibly drive a car in one of those dull colors like black or white because they're so grotesque. (That should be read in the voice of Liz Lemon in that one 30 Rock episode. You know. That one episode. Come on.) Okay here it is. You must listen for the full effect.

I'm so grotesque

Feature 3. The apostrophe in She's is a heart.

Feature 4. It's described as having "Tutti-Fruity" colors in the interior. I don't want to hear the words tutti-truity unless it's describing a flavor of jelly bean. And even then, I really don't want to eat it. Throw it in the no pile. Right next to buttered popcorn and top banana.

Feature 5. The windshield blocks out 99% of ultraviolet rays. This is supposed to stop women from getting those pesky wrinkles that we old hags can't seem to avoid. You know who doesn't have wrinkles?

wrinkle free since '63

If Meryl Streep made it this far without a wrinkle-free windshield and she still ended up like this - I WILL TAKE MY CHANCES.

Feature 6. A "plasmacluster" climate control system that is supposed to improve skin quality. First of all, "plasmacluster" is a disgusting word. Second of all, there is no way that a climate control system improves skin quality. Third of all, what's up with the wrinkle/skin obsession, Honda? Don't make me use my Meryl Streep argument again.

Did we learn nothing from the ill-fated 1956 Dodge La Femme?

The stunning car that came with a pink floral purse to match the car's interior as well as a swivel driver's seat. So as to preserve a lady's modesty. To summarize, the world's image of women is now slip sliding on down back to 1956.

I realize that the Honda She's is only being sold in Japan. And I also realize that Japan tends to have some pretty traditional gender roles for men and women. But I don't care. Women are women. And women don't need pink hearted wrinkle-free force fields around their cars. Cars are genderless. Like tables. Or paper. Or pens.



  1. I'm not sure about the she's, but that Dodge Bro sure sounds like a chick magnet!!!!

  2. I can only imagine what kind of features the Dodge Bro would have. A climate control system that works to thicken a beard and give it more shine?