Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Thoughts that couldn't be salvaged into a full post

Guys, my brain goes in a lot of different directions sometimes. To reign it in, I write things down so that I don't end up spewing nonsense ideas at random people I walk past on the street. Ideas like, "DO YOU EVER WONDER IF MERYL STREEP HAD A HAUNTED PAST BECAUSE SOMETIMES I LOOK INTO HER EYES AND I WONDER WHAT THAT WOMAN HAS GONE THROUGH."

I often write these ideas down and then forget why I wrote them down. So I look back at little scraps of paper that say things like "muffins are nothing but a lie."

Since these ideas aren't long enough or clever enough for their own post, I'm just going to cram a bunch of them into one post and hope that quantity counts more than quality. Here we go.

When I was a young lass, I watched a lot of Who's Line is it Anyway. But since they were on so late, I ended up watching them off of recorded VHS because yeah, I'm old enough to know what that is. The end result? I've probably only watched 20 episodes of Who's Line is it Anyway. But I've watched them each about 9,000 times.

FLASH FORWARD!! I'm in third grade. And we're choosing celebrities to write fan mail to. I don't remember why we did this. But we did. And I was like, "Awww, yeah I'm gonna write to that guy from Who's Line!" I was thinking of Colin Mochrie.

This glorious, Canadian man:

But my 9-year-old brain couldn't remember his name. The only name I could remember was Drew Carey, the host. So I just decided to write my celebrity fan letter to him.

Since we didn't have those fancy pants smart phones back then, my teacher had to look up the celebrity's mailing addresses for us. So I walked up to my teacher's desk and told her that I needed the address for Drew Carey. And she, either having misheard me or not knowing who Drew Carey was, gave me the address to someone else entirely. But I didn't realize that. And I sent my letter anyway.

And so it was that one week later I got a signed photo back from this man:

No, this is not my photo. Yes, mine looked EXACTLY like it.

Jim Carrey. The most embarrassing thing is that I still put Drew Carey's name on the envelope, and I filled 3 pages on how much I loved Who's Line. Sorry Jim Carrey. Hope my letter didn't hurt your ego too much.


Why do I need to find 4 new friends in Ann Arbor? Because I have a dream. And that dream is that for Halloween 2013 I will be able to create an all-female version of One Direction.

Hear me out!

Everyone would have to dedicate themselves completely. Wigs that are styled into douchey flipped haircuts would be worn, along with fedoras and suspenders. And we'd have to spend the entire night playfully punching each other on the shoulder and hanging on each other while we smile at an invisible camera in the distance.

God it would be so awesome. And theres nothing sad about a bunch of 20-something women dressed like 18 year old boys.


Actresses I think would be genuinely nice people in real life (in no particular order):

1) Allison Janning

Allison Janney is first on this list. I know everyone probably expected Meryl Streep. WELL CALM DOWN, GUYS. I HAVE OTHER CELEBRITY OBSESSIONS SO JUST BACK OFF. 

Anywho, Allison. I freakin love this lady.

She is always so accessible in all her characters, including the mom from Juno and the lovely CJ Cregg in The West Wing. I think it's because she's a nice midwestern lady. Born in Dayton, Ohio. She's about the only actress in Drop Dead Gorgeous with a believable accent. 

Did anyone else think for like 2 seconds that Madame Maxine was Allison Janney in Harry Potter 4?

It isn't. But a girl can dream, right?

2) Maggie Smith

I've discussed my love for Dame Maggie Smith. That love still stands.

3) Meryl Streep

We all know that I spend large amounts of time googling Meryl. So here you are. Two women who need no last name. Meryl and Hillary:

4) Lena Dunham

Lena Dunham has the life I desire and I just want to sit down and talk to her about it.

5) Shirley McClaine

Love of my life.

6) Mary Steenburgen

She is playing the same type of characters that she played 28 years ago in What's Eating Gilbert Grape?

She ages like a fine wine.

7) Kristin Wiig

Everyone should listen to Alec Baldwin's podcast Here's The Thing where he interviews Kristin Wiig. She admits that she had no idea what she was going to do with her life for about 30 years. I like that.

8) Megan Mullaley


The next time I meet someone from New Zealand the first sentence I say is going to be: "Hello. I see you're from New Zealand. I am now going to wait as long as I possibly can before I mention Lord of the Ri- SO HAVE YOU EVER MET FRODO?!?"

So okay. After I wrote that sentence my first thought was, "What if the next person I meet from New Zealand is Zoboomafoo?"

And then I was like "Oh, silly me. He's from Madagascar, not New Zealand."

Notice that my first thought was not, "Oh wait Zoboomafoo is a fictional lemur-puppet from a 1990's PBS kids show. I won't be meeting him. And I certainly won't be holding out a conversation with him."

No. My first thought: "DUH, Hannah. Wrong giant island located in the Southeastern quadrant of the world. Otherwise you two could totally have a gabfest about how awesome the Ents are."

"Nobody cares for the woods anymore..."

I think I'm going to go re-read The Hobbit before the movie comes out.

.... and also I made Lembas bread. 

It wasn't good. 

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