Monday, February 27, 2012

This is not a food blog

But I really wish it was! Oh how I wish I could just wake up one day all, "I do believe I would truly enjoy a nice cheddar souffle this morning. Perhaps with a chutney glaze? Quite, quite."

In that reality I'm British. Evidently.

But I am 100% incapable of imagining up recipe ideas and I'm INCREDIBLY average at cooking. I am the equator of cooking. Likewise baking. But not today, dammit! Today I will cook something from my pinterest page and it will be delicious. What is it going to be, you ask? Uh... I have no idea. Hold on while I go find something really simple but looks really difficult.





Except it's not from Pinterest. It's from my friend's food blog. GO CHECK HER OUT RIGHT NOW. 

She is a wonderful chef. She has these qualities called "patience" and "resourcefulness" that I seem to lack.

Here's what I will be making! It's called "Orange Olive Oil Cake and Orange Curd"

Oh! Oh okay. Okay okay okay.

Baking comes easier to me than cooking, so that's what we're going with people. For those of you who think I'm chickening out because I'm not making a stuffed hen or something... you are correct. Don't worry. Baking will still cause plenty of hilarity, I'm sure. 

If you want the recipe, go to the link above the photo (hint hint... you'll need oranges). It's not my recipe so I don't really want to take credit for it on my blog. Cuz I'm COOL LIKE DAT. 

aaaand now I have to go shower off the shame that comes from uttering the phrase "cool like dat."

LETTUCE BEGIN! (get used to the food puns people, I've been STOREing them up.) (that last one was a stretch.)

Step one was basically me figuring out how to zest an orange. As it turns out, I had to zest 4 oranges & 2 lemons. It was not enjoyable. I don't know how to zest so I kept messing up and giving myself little cuts. Then the lemon juice would get in the cuts and my hand would slip from the pain & I would cut my hand again. The vicious cycle of lemon zesting, if you will.

That thumb is no longer cut-free

But I did it! And then I mixed it up with a ton of sugar and it looked awesome:

I wanted to eat it but I contained myself when I remembered that it is equal parts sugar and orange peel.
By the way the entire time I was cooking my roommates were behind me studying for some sort of science class. I believe it was... biochem? That sounds like science.

The sound of science-y words filled my ears as I rubbed my fingers raw on a grater. For the name of our interior designer, please inquire in the comments. 

Next, the recipe said I had to "supreme an orange."And my first thought was, "sweet mother of god that sounds difficult." And it was.

Essentially, supremeing an orange means that you cut off the top and bottom, shave off all the peel, and then remove the transparent skin so that you're left with the membrane. By the way, there is no grosser recipe instruction than "remove membrane and place in bowl."

So that took me about an hour. But actually.

I put the loaf in the oven, and started on the curd. Which is the second most disgusting word in this recipe.

Here is where I'm the worst. I don't do "simmering." Recipes always say to simmer and I'm just kind of like, "MEH. LETS CRANK IT UP. It'll cook faster then, right?" So I tried really hard this time to keep it simmering.

Let me interrupt my thrilling curd story to tell you that our apartment does not have the best appliances. They don't always "heat" or "blend" or "work."Which brings me to our oven(s). The upstairs oven is a glorified easy-bake-oven. You look inside, only to discover that your cookies are being baked by a lightbulb. And the magic is gone. It's also roughly the same size as an easy-bake-oven. The downstairs oven is very touchy. You never know what you're going to get.

And today I got a loaf that was burned on top and liquid in the middle. So you know... the usual. I tried rotating it around the oven like I have any idea what I'm doing, but it got a little crispy on top. And it's STILL liquidy in the very center. I don't want to talk about it.  But here it is!

By the way I couldn't go anywhere because I had to keep checking on the touchy oven, so to pass the time while cooking this I looked up photos of Meryl Streep from the 80s.

You look troubled, Meryl. Tell me what's wrong.

You're welcome.

After 20 minutes of Meryl-searching, it was time to put the bread on the cooling rack. And of course I was too impatient to do it the right way so I turned it upside down and shook it as hard as I could. This happened:

So I glued the piece back on with some curd. No one knew the difference. Except they totally did because, as it turns out, curd does not make a good adhesive.

Our finest china

Voila! The finished result!
Oh yes, you're seeing REAL chunks of orange membrane, my friends. My opinion? The loaf was delicious, the curd was too sweet for me. Keep in mind that I don't like frosting either, so I feel like my opinion shouldn't count. My roommates loved it!

In the end, I ate half the loaf while watching Meryl Streep be adorable at the Oscars.

My final unrelated thoughts: Meryl wore the exact same gold color at her win for Sophie's Choice 30 years ago. And she gets better with age!


  1. Meryl and Jennifer Aniston give me hope for the future. Angelina and Sandra do NOT.

  2. I don't know anyone that likes Angelina anymore. At least before she was famous for being hot, but now her thighs look like my wrists.

    I'm thinking about adding Sandra to my list of celebrities I don't like, but for some reason everyone else likes.

  3. It was FABULOUS!! Despite the amount of time it took you to create it, it was quite quite delicious!!!! And although you felt the curd was a bit sweet, OI! LOVED IT! Also, you are right about biochem.. AHHH!!!!! Anyway, back to the subject matter: equally sweet as the curd was Meryl's win!!!!!!!