Watch out everybody, this post is not going to be very funny. But it was written in response to a friend who wanted to know how I recalled the 9/11 attacks, I think mostly because I was in the 6th grade at the time of the attack. Which is an odd age to be during such a monumental event. For the most part, being that age meant that I could remember everything, but I was told nothing. And so...
My memory of the 9/11 attacks begins with a boy named Nick.
Nick and I were never close. Actually we were hardly even acquaintances. I haven't spoken to him since high school, and I will most likely never see him again. But from now on, he is the opening line to my memorized script that I've prepared for whenever someone asks,"where were you when the planes hit the World Trade Center?"
Nick walked up to me in first period art class while I was carving a leaf-shaped stamp out of an eraser. He was bouncing from table to table, telling everyone that "some guy flew his plane into the World Trade Center in New York."
I thought it was an accident. I imagined it was a tiny airplane. For some reason, my mind went to a Wilbur and Orville Wright "flying machine" made of wood. I figured it must have veered out of control.
I frowned as I looked down to keep carving at my eraser."I hope the pilot is okay," I replied.
He sneered, "You don't even know what the World Trade Center is."
Then the game was on. This is the 6th grade version of chicken. Neither party understands, but both keep upping the ante. It can occur, in some instances, when the really popular girl asks, "do you even KNOW what french kissing is?" And of course you don't. But you immediately respond, "Of COURSE I know. I'm not a baby."
She insists, "Then what is it?"
You can feel yourself getting red so you quickly whisper, "I'm not telling YOU. Don't be gross." And you both go back to playing solitaire on your iPod minis.
"You don't even know what the World Trade Center is."
Of course I didn't. I was eleven. But I pretended that I did. And for the rest of the day I kept pretending. And so did my teachers. Although they seemed more focused on pretending that nothing was wrong.
Second and third period, when the towers started collapsing, teachers ran in and out of each other's rooms. The 8th grade English teacher would flit into our classroom to have hushed conversations with my math teacher. He covered their covert exchange with a clipboard or a sheet of paper. Then he ran back to his classroom, and my math teacher began to cry.
And we were copying equations from the board and filling out worksheets.
I don't blame the teachers for not giving us the details. Like everyone else, they were completely unprepared on how to handle this situation. Plus Junior High is an awkward age. Should we be told? We're 11, 12 and 13. We can solve simple algebra equations, but we also decorate our folders with Spongebob Squarepants stickers.
Ultimately, everyone did what they thought was best. But we still didn't know what was happening. Occasionally we students would forget, for 30 minutes or so, that today was different from any other day. But then another friend would get called over the intercom. "Your parents are here to pick you up" the intercom would say, "please come straight to the office. Do not stop at your locker."
Halfway through the day, we were asked to put our heads on our desks while the intercom played Lee Greenwood's "Proud to be an American." I caught the eye of one of my friends and we started to giggle. When the song repeated for the third time, she let out a muffled snort. And the teacher glared. We stopped. We didn't understand, but apparently this was a serious event. We put on our best serious faces.
And finally, the intercom told us that we were all to go straight home after school. Don't go to your friends house. Don't go to soccer practice. Go home. Your parents need to know that you're safe.
Looking back, it's amazing that our parents were not kept with up-to-date information on our whereabouts. One quick text, and everything would be revealed. But this was the very beginning of cell phones, most of us didn't have one yet. We were too young.
Of course, when I got home I learned everything. My family sat in front of the TV absorbing information until we went to bed. For the rest of the week, information kept pouring in: lists of the fallen, lists of the missing, lists of what was to blame and who we were supposed to start blaming.
On that first Saturday after the 9/11 attacks I woke up abruptly at 6 am. Four days had passed since I was caught giggling to patriotic music with my head on my desk. I snuck downstairs to see if Saturday morning cartoons were on. I clicked through, but every channel was still full of lists and updates and haunting video footage. Disappointed, I switched off the TV and fell asleep on the couch. After four days, cartoons still weren't on, and I still didn't understand why.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Why the first day of work is the worst day of work
So I started work the other day. My first real job ever. I didn't tell any of my co-workers that it was my first job, but I think they realized it. Probably because when the administrative lady asked me if I filled out my W-4 forms I looked at her for a solid 10 seconds. Then I got uncomfortable and broke out into this goofy smile and looked from her to my boss about 20 times.
My face was exactly like Tom Haverford's:
After a while they both just kind of trailed off and told me to get my forms in by Friday. So... one more day to figure out what tax forms are aaaaaand how money works!
Why the first day of work is the worst day of work
1) Paperwork that you don't comprehend and will never have the capacity to understand
Have you filled out your W-4s and your Y-3s and savings & loans and stock options and insurance and healthcare?
No. I haven't done those things because I'm 22 and I don't know what you're talking about. Please don't stand there and wait for me to fill out these forms. Because I don't know what I'm doing. And unless I can somehow learn to understand them through osmosis, you're gonna be standing there for a looooong time.
2) Not having anything to do
Oh man when your laptop is exposed to the rest of the office... life sucks. There ain't no Facebook surfing for you, no sir. You feel like you need to be doing important things. But you don't know how to do anything yet. So you spend the first day exploring the homepage for the company you now work for.
"Hm, yes. I'm very interested in this press release you guys put out 2 years ago. So interested, in fact, that I'm going to spend the next 20 minutes reading it. Then I'll scroll through the pictures of your company BBQ again."
3) Being afraid to go to the bathroom
This might just be me. But my office is just one GIANT room with lots of windows and bright colors. So when I get up, everybody's watching. I don't want to spend too long in there, and I don't want to walk too weird on my way there. It should be inconspicuous. So I try to walk normal. And pee really quickly.
Unfortunately for me, someone else in my office seems to be on my pee schedule. Without fail, after I sit at my desk for 10 minutes with inner turmoil on whether I should visit the loo, I finally get up and this guy gets out of his chair and walks to the bathroom. Then I have to pretend like I was awkwardly half out of my chair for a different reason.
Rearranging my feet, or something. I don't know.
4) They usually ask you where the office should go for lunch.
Most people think this is a nice treat. I think it is torture and this is why:
Me: "You know what I could REALLY go for? Long John Silvers. But if you guys don't have that, I'm not picky. I'm just really craving some day-old shellfish right now."
This was my face when I was asked to pick where the entire office went for lunch.
To conclude this post, I would like to regale you with a (kind of long & rambling) story of going home after work. Sit down, my children. Let me tell you a tale:
"Yesterday, I bought Worcestershire sauce and raw chicken breast (the usual). When the bag guy stared at me for a second too long I panicked and said I didn't want a bag. So I left the store holding raw chicken in one hand and Worcestershire sauce in the other. I was wearing uncomfortable shoes all day so I was also limping. Because of the blisters. When I got in my car I took off my shoes.
When I arrive at my apt, I got out of my car. I was carrying shoes, my laptop, raw chicken and Worcestershire sauce. I tripped on my way out of the car and made a noise like, "HeyyaaahhhhhohcrapI'mgonnafallnope-therewego."
Unfortunately, our neighbor was standing outside my car with a bag of garbage. He saw the whole thing. We smiled awkwardly and I went inside.
But it was stuffy inside. I went to open a window. First I had to pull open the blinds. I went to open the blinds, and realized the window was already open. So naturally I shouted out to myself something along the lines of "OH IT'S ALREADY OPEN. HAHA YOU IDIOT." Then I pulled aside the curtains. And who was outside my window? Yes. Young garbage guy. Walking back to his apartment after taking out the garbage. He heard me talking to myself. Again. So we smiled at each other again. And I backed away slowly from the window and shame-snarfed 3 brownies. The End."
**editors note: That was NOT the end. Today I got out of my car carrying my phone, my laptop, a panini, this weird french dip sandwich with horseradish and an empty bag of snap pea crisps. Why was the bag empty? Because traffic was long and I was hungry. Don't hate. Appreciate.
So obviously it was difficult for me to get out of the car again. As I lumbered out, I said to myself "Careful now, Hannah. Lets not be silly." Yes, it was in the voice of the Mad Hatter from Disney's Alice In Wonderland.
Look at 7 min 13 seconds in if you want an example of my tone of voice.
And yes, it was out loud. Because I am nothing if not vocal about my shortcomings. And WHO should bike by at that very moment to witness this whole debacle? OH THAT'S RIGHT. THE VERY SAME NEIGHBOR AS YESTERDAY. I wish I was lying, but he and I seem to be on the same schedule.
But thankfully not the same pee schedule.
Fin.
My face was exactly like Tom Haverford's:
After a while they both just kind of trailed off and told me to get my forms in by Friday. So... one more day to figure out what tax forms are aaaaaand how money works!
Why the first day of work is the worst day of work
1) Paperwork that you don't comprehend and will never have the capacity to understand
Have you filled out your W-4s and your Y-3s and savings & loans and stock options and insurance and healthcare?
No. I haven't done those things because I'm 22 and I don't know what you're talking about. Please don't stand there and wait for me to fill out these forms. Because I don't know what I'm doing. And unless I can somehow learn to understand them through osmosis, you're gonna be standing there for a looooong time.
2) Not having anything to do
Oh man when your laptop is exposed to the rest of the office... life sucks. There ain't no Facebook surfing for you, no sir. You feel like you need to be doing important things. But you don't know how to do anything yet. So you spend the first day exploring the homepage for the company you now work for.
"Hm, yes. I'm very interested in this press release you guys put out 2 years ago. So interested, in fact, that I'm going to spend the next 20 minutes reading it. Then I'll scroll through the pictures of your company BBQ again."
3) Being afraid to go to the bathroom
This might just be me. But my office is just one GIANT room with lots of windows and bright colors. So when I get up, everybody's watching. I don't want to spend too long in there, and I don't want to walk too weird on my way there. It should be inconspicuous. So I try to walk normal. And pee really quickly.
Unfortunately for me, someone else in my office seems to be on my pee schedule. Without fail, after I sit at my desk for 10 minutes with inner turmoil on whether I should visit the loo, I finally get up and this guy gets out of his chair and walks to the bathroom. Then I have to pretend like I was awkwardly half out of my chair for a different reason.
Rearranging my feet, or something. I don't know.
4) They usually ask you where the office should go for lunch.
Most people think this is a nice treat. I think it is torture and this is why:
- They've lived in the city for 5 years and you've lived there for 5 seconds so you have no idea where the closest McDonald's is, let alone normal people food. So anything you pick is not going to be what they want.
- You are just trying to get through the day unnoticed. So asking the new person to make a decision that will probably infuriate half the office is just... cruel and unusual. It almost made me want to pick a really unpopular food so that I could just get the hate out in the open.
Me: "You know what I could REALLY go for? Long John Silvers. But if you guys don't have that, I'm not picky. I'm just really craving some day-old shellfish right now."
This was my face when I was asked to pick where the entire office went for lunch.
To conclude this post, I would like to regale you with a (kind of long & rambling) story of going home after work. Sit down, my children. Let me tell you a tale:
"Yesterday, I bought Worcestershire sauce and raw chicken breast (the usual). When the bag guy stared at me for a second too long I panicked and said I didn't want a bag. So I left the store holding raw chicken in one hand and Worcestershire sauce in the other. I was wearing uncomfortable shoes all day so I was also limping. Because of the blisters. When I got in my car I took off my shoes.
When I arrive at my apt, I got out of my car. I was carrying shoes, my laptop, raw chicken and Worcestershire sauce. I tripped on my way out of the car and made a noise like, "HeyyaaahhhhhohcrapI'mgonnafallnope-therewego."
Not for the first time, I find myself identifying with a foal
Unfortunately, our neighbor was standing outside my car with a bag of garbage. He saw the whole thing. We smiled awkwardly and I went inside.
But it was stuffy inside. I went to open a window. First I had to pull open the blinds. I went to open the blinds, and realized the window was already open. So naturally I shouted out to myself something along the lines of "OH IT'S ALREADY OPEN. HAHA YOU IDIOT." Then I pulled aside the curtains. And who was outside my window? Yes. Young garbage guy. Walking back to his apartment after taking out the garbage. He heard me talking to myself. Again. So we smiled at each other again. And I backed away slowly from the window and shame-snarfed 3 brownies. The End."
**editors note: That was NOT the end. Today I got out of my car carrying my phone, my laptop, a panini, this weird french dip sandwich with horseradish and an empty bag of snap pea crisps. Why was the bag empty? Because traffic was long and I was hungry. Don't hate. Appreciate.
So obviously it was difficult for me to get out of the car again. As I lumbered out, I said to myself "Careful now, Hannah. Lets not be silly." Yes, it was in the voice of the Mad Hatter from Disney's Alice In Wonderland.
Look at 7 min 13 seconds in if you want an example of my tone of voice.
And yes, it was out loud. Because I am nothing if not vocal about my shortcomings. And WHO should bike by at that very moment to witness this whole debacle? OH THAT'S RIGHT. THE VERY SAME NEIGHBOR AS YESTERDAY. I wish I was lying, but he and I seem to be on the same schedule.
But thankfully not the same pee schedule.
Fin.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
What I can and cannot afford right now
Two things.
1) I got a job! A real one this time! Yes, I guess the last one was real. But when I realized they were attempting to pay me $250 for 50 hour weeks I was all, "LATA SUCKAH." Actually, because I'm terrified of confrontation I was more like "Uhm excuse me, my HR amigos. Would you mind please removing me from your list of employees because I just don't see this working out. Hope we can still be friends. Call me!"
And even that conversation required hours of pep talks from my roommates. Did I role play the conversation right before calling? Obviously.
This is me trying to "break up" with the people that hired me. Except it's Liz Lemon. Breaking up with the co-op board.
2) I've been exploring Tumblr because it's an awesome blogging tool and I'm considering making the switch. The problem is that cool, original layouts cost $39 and I can't afford it right now. Yeah. I can't afford THAT right now. Last night I had a dream that I got a manicure and when I woke up I thought, "Oh okay. I'll save for a couple months so I can afford that luxury."
Then I wept bitterly.
I need to start this job.
Other basic, human things that I've wanted to buy recently but can't afford include:
1) A knife block
2) Towels that I haven't been using for the last four years
3) The DVD Baby Mama
4) Brand name sponges
Things that I didn't need but I spent the money on anyway include:
1) The biggest bag of veggie straws I've ever seen. But it was only $5 and it fed me for DAYS.
2) A ridiculously expensive iced coffee from this hipster-nonsense cafe. The barista had pierced dimples and she judged me into it. There were only 6 items on the menu. And they were all "infused" and "hand dripped" or whatever. HIPSTER NONSENSE.
3) A gas station XL t-shirt that had a wolf on it. The Megabus was freezing and I was wearing shorts. The shirt was my blanket and everyone thought I was weird.
4) Many, many pretzel rolls.
1) I got a job! A real one this time! Yes, I guess the last one was real. But when I realized they were attempting to pay me $250 for 50 hour weeks I was all, "LATA SUCKAH." Actually, because I'm terrified of confrontation I was more like "Uhm excuse me, my HR amigos. Would you mind please removing me from your list of employees because I just don't see this working out. Hope we can still be friends. Call me!"
And even that conversation required hours of pep talks from my roommates. Did I role play the conversation right before calling? Obviously.
This is me trying to "break up" with the people that hired me. Except it's Liz Lemon. Breaking up with the co-op board.
2) I've been exploring Tumblr because it's an awesome blogging tool and I'm considering making the switch. The problem is that cool, original layouts cost $39 and I can't afford it right now. Yeah. I can't afford THAT right now. Last night I had a dream that I got a manicure and when I woke up I thought, "Oh okay. I'll save for a couple months so I can afford that luxury."
Then I wept bitterly.
I need to start this job.
Other basic, human things that I've wanted to buy recently but can't afford include:
1) A knife block
2) Towels that I haven't been using for the last four years
3) The DVD Baby Mama
4) Brand name sponges
Scotch-Brite? What is this, Buckingham Palace?
Things that I didn't need but I spent the money on anyway include:
1) The biggest bag of veggie straws I've ever seen. But it was only $5 and it fed me for DAYS.
2) A ridiculously expensive iced coffee from this hipster-nonsense cafe. The barista had pierced dimples and she judged me into it. There were only 6 items on the menu. And they were all "infused" and "hand dripped" or whatever. HIPSTER NONSENSE.
3) A gas station XL t-shirt that had a wolf on it. The Megabus was freezing and I was wearing shorts. The shirt was my blanket and everyone thought I was weird.
4) Many, many pretzel rolls.
Friday, August 17, 2012
What do post grads want? Hell if I know.
So I just graduated from college. And it's weird. And I'm sitting at this coffee shop eating an orange chocolate chip scone. Pretending like nothing is different. Trying to figure out what I want, what everyone my age seems to want. It could be a fulfilling job or a partner to spend time with. A new kitten or acceptance into grad school.
After some reflection and a second scone, I have come up with a run-down of things I want to happen right now. Some of them are about big life changes, some of them are about food. Unsurprisingly.
I can only hope that there are other 20-somethings out there wanting similar things.
So. What do I want?
1) I want to wake up and suddenly like red wine. I feel like it would make me seem much older. A nice Chianti with my steak, perhaps.
*side note* I had to look up Chianti and make sure that it is, in fact, a red wine.
2) To be able to "up vote" and "down vote" comments on Facebook according to how funny or relevant to the post they are.
3) To be an extra in The Hobbit. (Yes, I know they're already filmed).
4) To be handed some sort of schedule for the next year of my life. A course guide, or maybe a list of professors I can look up. Then I'll complain to my roommates that, man... this is just going to be the worst semester ever.
5) I want McDonalds to serve McFlurries made with chocolate ice cream. I'd also like McDonalds to permanently discontinue the Shamrock Shake. I don't understand the appeal of eating 10 oz of toothpaste.
6) I want the boxelder bugs that infested my house to suffer. Some of those bugs survived on my car after 7 hours of highway driving. And a car wash.
7) I want to be able to afford furniture that doesn't come from Ikea. Except for my precious LACK side tables. Those things rock my socks.
8) To stop being so unbearably susceptible to every illness that crosses my path. My immune system could take lessons from premature babies.
9) To create a video of me in all my Wisconsin Badger gear, running around the University of Michigan on game day.
10) I want future Hannah to follow me around so that every time I make a big decision she can assure me that I'll never regret it. Much like Katy Perry did in that music video.
There is nothing NOT hilarious about old Katy Perry singing to young Katy Perry.
11) I want to have a reason to post a Facebook status that is so exciting and awesome that I get 100+ likes. Examples include: Getting a dream job, getting accepted to medical school, winning the Nobel Peace Prize, etc.
12) I want reason to travel for my job. I'll be all, "Well I'm off to Italy to go crunch those numbers. Synergy! Job growth! Carbon footprint!"
13) I want to go do something to help humanity. Like teach deaf Haitian children how to use sign language.
14) I want this Lego set.
15) Finally, and most importantly, I want a new season of Girls to come out so that I can see my problems reflected in their 22-year-old self-absorption. And continue to pity myself for all these non-problems. Because that, really, is all I want.
After some reflection and a second scone, I have come up with a run-down of things I want to happen right now. Some of them are about big life changes, some of them are about food. Unsurprisingly.
I can only hope that there are other 20-somethings out there wanting similar things.
So. What do I want?
1) I want to wake up and suddenly like red wine. I feel like it would make me seem much older. A nice Chianti with my steak, perhaps.
*side note* I had to look up Chianti and make sure that it is, in fact, a red wine.
2) To be able to "up vote" and "down vote" comments on Facebook according to how funny or relevant to the post they are.
3) To be an extra in The Hobbit. (Yes, I know they're already filmed).
4) To be handed some sort of schedule for the next year of my life. A course guide, or maybe a list of professors I can look up. Then I'll complain to my roommates that, man... this is just going to be the worst semester ever.
5) I want McDonalds to serve McFlurries made with chocolate ice cream. I'd also like McDonalds to permanently discontinue the Shamrock Shake. I don't understand the appeal of eating 10 oz of toothpaste.
6) I want the boxelder bugs that infested my house to suffer. Some of those bugs survived on my car after 7 hours of highway driving. And a car wash.
7) I want to be able to afford furniture that doesn't come from Ikea. Except for my precious LACK side tables. Those things rock my socks.
9) To create a video of me in all my Wisconsin Badger gear, running around the University of Michigan on game day.
10) I want future Hannah to follow me around so that every time I make a big decision she can assure me that I'll never regret it. Much like Katy Perry did in that music video.
There is nothing NOT hilarious about old Katy Perry singing to young Katy Perry.
11) I want to have a reason to post a Facebook status that is so exciting and awesome that I get 100+ likes. Examples include: Getting a dream job, getting accepted to medical school, winning the Nobel Peace Prize, etc.
12) I want reason to travel for my job. I'll be all, "Well I'm off to Italy to go crunch those numbers. Synergy! Job growth! Carbon footprint!"
13) I want to go do something to help humanity. Like teach deaf Haitian children how to use sign language.
14) I want this Lego set.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Why I can't stay mad at Nicholas Cage
But first, an update.
JOB ACQUIRED.
Q: Is it your dream job? Are you in your dream city? Is it everything you wanted and more and is everything somehow magically falling into place for you at the age of 22?
A: No.
Q: Oh. Well is it a job then?
A: Yes!
Q: Well good for you then.
A: Thank you. Even though that wasn't a question.
And that's just about all the updates I have on that. I'll be moving to Ann Arbor, which is good and bad. Good because it's a very pretty city with lots of trees and young people and fun things. Bad because it's home to the University of Michigan Wolverines - the sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance!
Yes, that was a Toy Story reference.
BuzzLightyear and I both agree, Michigan fans are the worst. And their colors are terrible.
But on to more pressing matters: My feelings towards Nicholas Cage.
I have a special place in my heart for Nicholas Cage. Most people are surprised by that fact, mostly because I have a lot of irrational hatred towards a lot of actors. And Nicholas Cage is pretty widely disliked. And yet... I can't seem to quit him.
My main reasons for this:
1) He is consistently made fun of, but he takes it in stride.
2) National Treasure
3) Raising Arizona
4) Nick Cage cats
I love National Treasure and Raising Arizona for two very different reasons. Raising Arizona is actually a great movie and you should go to your nearest Netflix and watch it right now, because it's available on instant play. I bought it on a whim in a three disc set that includes Fargo, Raising Arizona and The Full Monty. Best $10 I ever spent.
National Treasure, on the other hand, is pretty average. Not terrible, I know a lot of people who like it. Just... not great. But for me, it's just one of those movies. If someone ever asks if I want to watch National Treasure, my answer will always be yes.
Someone can be like "Well we could watch this movie that won 3 Oscars and you've never seen it! Want to watch it? Oh and I also have National Treasure."
My reaction?
PUT DAT NATIONAL TREASURE IN THE DVD PLAYER!!!!&!^!**!&!
Also, I love that Nicholas Cage's face is perhaps one of the most widely used celebrity faces on the internet/in real life. A few examples:
I'm going to call this phenomena "Caging." It's a bizarre prank that involves going into someone's cubicle or office while they're out, and putting Nicholas Cage's face on the faces of that person's loved ones. Or perhaps paper their entire cubicle with photos of Nick. Or put photos of him around your apartment to scare your roommates.
And now, to conclude my reasons for loving Nicholas Cage, a photo montage of my favorite Nick Cage face mashups:
JOB ACQUIRED.
Q: Is it your dream job? Are you in your dream city? Is it everything you wanted and more and is everything somehow magically falling into place for you at the age of 22?
A: No.
Q: Oh. Well is it a job then?
A: Yes!
Q: Well good for you then.
A: Thank you. Even though that wasn't a question.
And that's just about all the updates I have on that. I'll be moving to Ann Arbor, which is good and bad. Good because it's a very pretty city with lots of trees and young people and fun things. Bad because it's home to the University of Michigan Wolverines - the sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance!
Yes, that was a Toy Story reference.
BuzzLightyear and I both agree, Michigan fans are the worst. And their colors are terrible.
But on to more pressing matters: My feelings towards Nicholas Cage.
I have a special place in my heart for Nicholas Cage. Most people are surprised by that fact, mostly because I have a lot of irrational hatred towards a lot of actors. And Nicholas Cage is pretty widely disliked. And yet... I can't seem to quit him.
My main reasons for this:
1) He is consistently made fun of, but he takes it in stride.
2) National Treasure
3) Raising Arizona
4) Nick Cage cats
I love National Treasure and Raising Arizona for two very different reasons. Raising Arizona is actually a great movie and you should go to your nearest Netflix and watch it right now, because it's available on instant play. I bought it on a whim in a three disc set that includes Fargo, Raising Arizona and The Full Monty. Best $10 I ever spent.
National Treasure, on the other hand, is pretty average. Not terrible, I know a lot of people who like it. Just... not great. But for me, it's just one of those movies. If someone ever asks if I want to watch National Treasure, my answer will always be yes.
Someone can be like "Well we could watch this movie that won 3 Oscars and you've never seen it! Want to watch it? Oh and I also have National Treasure."
My reaction?
Also, I love that Nicholas Cage's face is perhaps one of the most widely used celebrity faces on the internet/in real life. A few examples:
I'm going to call this phenomena "Caging." It's a bizarre prank that involves going into someone's cubicle or office while they're out, and putting Nicholas Cage's face on the faces of that person's loved ones. Or perhaps paper their entire cubicle with photos of Nick. Or put photos of him around your apartment to scare your roommates.
When did this start happening? No one knows. But it's hilarious that it's happening to Nicholas Cage.
Also, http://nickcagecats.tumblr.com/ is an entire Tumblr account dedicated to photoshopping Nick Cage's face onto cat bodies. And that is just.... wonderful.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Going Veg: Day 17
Well things have been getting REAL on the job front, so I've fallen a little behind on blog post updating.
For example, today at an interview someone asked me what my technical experience with data programming is and I was all,
And then they put a spreadsheet in front of me that was meant to test my Excel knowledge and I was all,
And then once I finished I tried to sneak out of there all,
But they saw me (I probably should have taken off the fake mustache and glasses) and asked me a million more questions.
So... yeah. Busy. Also, I've been watching a lot of How I Met Your Mother. Also, for the last three days I've been listening to a lot of Harry Potter books on tape. Also, my next two post ideas are going to take a lot of research and quite frankly that sounds like a huge helping of no thank you.
But I will finish them/start them, I swear. For now, lets talk veggies.
I have cheated on this vegetarian excursion three times. Only one time was on purpose.
1. The second day of my vegetarian month, I went to a bar called Johnny O's that offers free mini corn dogs with the purchase of a $2 pitcher. I'm not a strong person and corn dogs are my weakness. They were free and I hadn't eaten all day. And I kind of forgot I wasn't eating meat. Kind of.
2. Ate a bite of fried chicken before remembering that I was vegetarian, lolz.
3. Ate a bite of chicken fried steak because I've never had it and I wanted to try. So the only time I purposefully ignored my vegetarian promise was to eat meat that's been fried in other meat, covered in a third meat's gravy.
Worth it.
The hardest part about going veg has been going out to eat. I like vegetarian dishes, but sometimes there's something else on the menu that I want more.
I'm not saying that the fried green tomatoes I had last night weren't awesome. They were scrumptious. And I never would have tried them if I wasn't vegetarian. But I was at a restaurant that's famous for wood fire barbecue. And I wanted some wood fire barbecue, dang it!
The other hard part is cooking with non-vegetarians. I don't want other people to have to make concessions for me, but oftentimes I end up the diplodocus at the t-rex party.
For example, today at an interview someone asked me what my technical experience with data programming is and I was all,
And then they put a spreadsheet in front of me that was meant to test my Excel knowledge and I was all,
And then once I finished I tried to sneak out of there all,
But they saw me (I probably should have taken off the fake mustache and glasses) and asked me a million more questions.
So... yeah. Busy. Also, I've been watching a lot of How I Met Your Mother. Also, for the last three days I've been listening to a lot of Harry Potter books on tape. Also, my next two post ideas are going to take a lot of research and quite frankly that sounds like a huge helping of no thank you.
But I will finish them/start them, I swear. For now, lets talk veggies.
I have cheated on this vegetarian excursion three times. Only one time was on purpose.
1. The second day of my vegetarian month, I went to a bar called Johnny O's that offers free mini corn dogs with the purchase of a $2 pitcher. I'm not a strong person and corn dogs are my weakness. They were free and I hadn't eaten all day. And I kind of forgot I wasn't eating meat. Kind of.
2. Ate a bite of fried chicken before remembering that I was vegetarian, lolz.
3. Ate a bite of chicken fried steak because I've never had it and I wanted to try. So the only time I purposefully ignored my vegetarian promise was to eat meat that's been fried in other meat, covered in a third meat's gravy.
NO REGRETS
Worth it.
The hardest part about going veg has been going out to eat. I like vegetarian dishes, but sometimes there's something else on the menu that I want more.
I'm not saying that the fried green tomatoes I had last night weren't awesome. They were scrumptious. And I never would have tried them if I wasn't vegetarian. But I was at a restaurant that's famous for wood fire barbecue. And I wanted some wood fire barbecue, dang it!
The other hard part is cooking with non-vegetarians. I don't want other people to have to make concessions for me, but oftentimes I end up the diplodocus at the t-rex party.
Essentially what I'm saying is:
Good parts about being vegetarian
-Trying new foods
-Vegetarian options cost less
-Probably healthier
Bad parts about being vegetarian
-Limited options
-Feel like a burden to people cooking
-I'm tired of cooking with tofu
Monday, July 9, 2012
Going Vegetarian!!! (???)
Well everyone, I'm doing it. I'm going vegetarian. For one month.
So here I am, toeing the line between vegetarian and meat-eater. Will I end this month a veggie-loving Prius-driving hippie with eyebrow piercings and dreadlocks? Or will I rebel and become a bacon-snarfing gun-toting American flag-decorating pick-up truck aficionado?
Not to fall back on stereotypes or anything.
Some of you may ask, "But why, Hannah? You love meat. You don't consider a pizza complete until it's covered in some sort of salty meat-type."
And to that I say, you are entirely correct. However, this is something I want to try. I don't really have one concrete reason why I'm doing it. Mostly, I just want to see what happens.
Some things I will miss more than others. This includes:
1) Bacon
2) Pizza toppings
That, my friends, is a barbecue-chicken-bacon-ranch piece of pizza. It was my last meat-inclusive meal. And it was awesome.
3) Hamburgers
4) Being able to order whatever I want at restaurants
5) Brats
But now is the perfect time for me to try being a vegetarian because Madison is so very vegetarian- friendly. In fact, being vegetarian isn't even a huge accomplishment in Madison. I'm a little embarrassed to brag about it in public because the raw food vegans are probably snickering at me into their soymilk cucumber shakes.
In fact, I'm currently writing this post from a vegan coffee shop. They have about 15 options for vegan baked goods. And the big selling point that they keep stressing: We don't make you pay extra for soy milk!!!
And the vegans come a-running.
Some of my interactions with vegans in Madison remind me of the scene in Notting Hill where Hugh Grant has a blind date with a fruitarian. Check the hilarity out here.
Then again, sometimes I feel like vegetarians/vegans get a bad rep. As in, because you're a vegetarian you must also be pretentious and a bit insufferable.
Because I relate everything through TV, I would like to offer a television example. If you watch the show Bob's Burgers (which you absolutely should) they take a few jabs at vegetarians. Such as:
4) Being able to order whatever I want at restaurants
5) Brats
But now is the perfect time for me to try being a vegetarian because Madison is so very vegetarian- friendly. In fact, being vegetarian isn't even a huge accomplishment in Madison. I'm a little embarrassed to brag about it in public because the raw food vegans are probably snickering at me into their soymilk cucumber shakes.
In fact, I'm currently writing this post from a vegan coffee shop. They have about 15 options for vegan baked goods. And the big selling point that they keep stressing: We don't make you pay extra for soy milk!!!
And the vegans come a-running.
Some of my interactions with vegans in Madison remind me of the scene in Notting Hill where Hugh Grant has a blind date with a fruitarian. Check the hilarity out here.
Then again, sometimes I feel like vegetarians/vegans get a bad rep. As in, because you're a vegetarian you must also be pretentious and a bit insufferable.
Because I relate everything through TV, I would like to offer a television example. If you watch the show Bob's Burgers (which you absolutely should) they take a few jabs at vegetarians. Such as:
Louise (Bob's daughter): "It’s not a lie if you tell it to vegetarians. You taught us that!”
Not to fall back on stereotypes or anything.
Will I get cranky? Will I feel healthier than I ever have? Will I lose weight? Will I gain weight? Will my skin begin to glow with that famous carrot-shine? Is "carrot-shine" a term?
Tune in to my next posts to find out! Or don't. I'm a blog writer, not a police officer.
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