Squashtober Spice Countdown Day 8 & 9: Pumpkin Spice Bagel & Cream Cheese

Well I'm squeezing two days together again, but this time it was intentional. Some food are meant to go together! Like peanut butter and jelly. Or salt and pepper. Or, you know... bagels and cream cheese.

                                               

The bagels:

Pretty good. Not such a fan of the fact that they have little bits of smashed pumpkin in them, like raisins in raisin bread. But otherwise, a nice pumpkin-y flavor.

The cream cheese:

Do you have a problem eating foods that are a different color than what you're used to? Perhaps like that dark period in the early 2000s when somebody thought it was a good idea to create green ketchup.

Who approved this? WHO?! Probably the same person who invented Wow! chips. The early 2000s were a simpler time. A time of LiveJournal and clever away messages on AIM that incorporated Hoobastank lyrics.

All of this to say: The cream cheese is orange.

But if you can get over that, it's good! Perhaps overwhelming when pumpkin cream cheese is spread on a pumpkin bagel (Did I learn nothing from dipping pumpkin Milano cookies into pumpkin greek yogurt?)

Overall thoughts: Just eat the pumpkin bagel with butter on it, or plain cream cheese. And put the pumpkin cream cheese on a plain bagel. You probably would have already done that without my advice. But I had to try! I suffer for my art, you know.
Grade: B+
Similarity to raisin bagel: High.

Squashtober Spice Countdown Day 6 & 7: Pumpkin Spice Candy Corn and Pumpkin Mousse

Yes, it's another twofer. Today my excuse is that I had to go to the DMV the first day it was open after a three day break. It destroyed my soul. My soul and my dignity. My soul and my dignity and my patience for 16-year-olds who listen to their music far too loud.

"Beats By Dre" are soundproof for WHOM, Dr. Dre? For WHOM? For YOU?! Not for everyone else in the DMV, I'll tell you that much.

But fear not. I have managed to scrounge up a couple of pumpkin spice items that I had no idea existed. I've never seen these in stores until this year, although maybe I'm just not looking.

First and firstmost, we have pumpkin spice Jell-O

Fairly straightforward. Tastes a bit like you're eating pumpkin pie filling. But THEN. You have a brilliant stroke of genius because you are a culinary genius and your wisdom knows no bounds. That, and the recipe is on the box: Pumpkin Mousse! With pecans!

It looks disgusting. It tastes pretty awesome. 

Overall Thoughts: Have a recipe that you could use it in? Go for it! But a giant vat of pumpkin flavored pudding is a little much. 

Grade: For pudding alone? B. For mousse? A-

Thoughts on price of pecans: LUDICROUS.

Up next we have my least favorite candy and possibly least favorite food in the world:

... Candy corn. The devil's candy. Tastes nothing like candy and looks nothing like corn. 

Have you seen Lewis Black's stand-up on candy corn? If not, watch this video. You should start about 40 seconds in. I don't know what the first part is all about. 

http://www.cc.com/video-clips/zsz1so/stand-up-lewis-black--candy-corn

Unsurprisingly, I did not like pumpkin spice candy corn. However, I had my mom try it (she loves candy corn) and she concurred. It's just not good. If you like candy corn (WHY?) then just get then normal stuff. 

Overall thoughts: Absolutely not. 

Grade: D, because my mom said it wasn't the worst. I'm not sure what is the worst. We'll see. 

Squashtober Spice Countdown Days 4 & 5: Pumpkin Spice Oreos and Pumpkin Spice Bread

Well I fell a day behind. In my defense, I had to move yesterday. And also there are a LOT of unwatched episodes of Gilmore Girls in this world, and I feel that I can't be blamed for watching every single one of them in the course of one week.

Tell them how it is, Liz Lemon.

So let's get a couple of pumpkin items in one post. First, Pumpkin Spice Oreos.

I had a LOT of hesitation about these. They didn't sound appetizing to me at all. I didn't see why Oreo would mess with perfection. Just dye the cream filling orange and call it a day, like they usually do.

However, I was pleasantly surprised. Quite delicious. Certainly worth adding to your repertoire once a year when you're feeling particularly autumnal.

Overall Thoughts: This is the first thing I've tried so far that has enough pumpkin taste to merit being called "pumpkin spice" and doesn't go overboard with it.
Grade: A

Okay, now for the pumpkin spice bread.

I figured you can't really go wrong with pumpkin spice bread. It's basically just cinnamon bread. And I was right! Worth buying, will taste exactly like you think it will.

But the real question is: Will dogs eat it?

The fearless leader surveys the sacrifice you offer her.

"Is it poisonous?" She wonders, trying to determine if the humans would attempt a coup d'état.

And ultimately deciding that the pumpkin aroma is too alluring. She must taste the bread. Even if she risks outright rebellion.

Overall Thoughts: Not poisonous to dogs. Also not poisonous to humans. If anyone was curious.
Grade: A

Squashtober Spice Countdown Day 3: Pumpkin Spice Marshmallows

I spent today packing and re-watching Gilmore Girls, and I have one thing to say to everyone: If you prefer Dean over Jess then we have nothing in common and I really don't see a reason why we should continue pretending to be friends. Why don't you just go and ruin a perfectly good dance marathon with your hurtful words?!?

Like Dean did.

At the dance marathon.

In Season 3 Episode 7.

Oh, Rory. You deserve better. We all deserve better. We all deserve... Jess.

But aside from watching an entire season of Gilmore Girls, I also went grocery shopping today. We may have gone overboard with the pumpkin spice beers.

Waste not, want not. And all that. Though I'm not sure it really applies here.

I also discovered the perfect packing snack:

It's perfect because
A) They're light and can get thrown around
B) In a pinch, they can act as replacement packing peanuts
and
C) They don't taste good enough that you'll be sad when you accidentally open the bag too exuberantly and they go flying all over your freshly packed clothes.

Overall thoughts: I would absolutely melt these down and put them in a s'more. They would make the s'more a little more autumnal. But mostly they just taste like normal marshmallows with a tiny little bit of cinnamon on them.
Grade: B

Squashtober Spice Countdown Day 2: Pumpkin Spice Chobani Greek Yogurt

We have reached the end of my collection of "pumpkin crap I picked up in late September in anticipation for this pumpkin spice challenge." A trip to the grocery store is most certainly in order. 

Although I fear buying the pumpkin vodka. Last time I had to purchase embarrassing alcohol I ended up winking a lot and making the checkout guy very uncomfortable. 

Anyway. Day two's pumpkin item is pumpkin spice Chobani.

Frankly, this was a lot better than I anticipated. I'm not sure why, but I was absolutely convinced that this was going to be disgusting. Mostly it just tastes like those pumpkin dips that are all over Pinterest. Dips that people more creative and more patient than I will often bring to parties and have you dip graham crackers into.

Perhaps this would be good with the pumpkin spiced Milano cookies in them?

No.

Do not dip the cookies into the yogurt. It is a flavor overload and it's horrifying. It will end with you shouting, "Absolutely not!" as you eat greek yogurt in a crowded coffee shop.

Overall thoughts: Someone who likes greek yogurt more than me would probably give this a higher grade. But I have the same thoughts about greek yogurt as Ann Perkins has about jogging.

Grade: B+

Squashtober Spice Countdown Day 1: Pumpkin Spice Milano Cookies

I had high hopes for this cookie. I mean not as high of hopes as I would if there were pumpkin spice pirouette cookies out there, somewhere.

Hold on one moment while I Google whether or not pumpkin spice Pirouettes exist...

..no.

What kind of a god would deprive me of pumpkin spice Pirouettes and leave me with this?!

The orange goo in the cookie seems to be the source of its pumpkin flavored power. However when I attempted to pry to cookie apart as one might pull two piece of an Oreo apart, it turned to disaster. The orange layer of pumpkin seems to have formed some sort of cohesive bond with the cookie that cannot be broken in any way.

Cold fusion, if you will. Or perhaps not, as I believe cold fusion has nothing to do with cookies being stuck together and everything to do with nuclear reactions.

Anyway, the cookie broke into a thousand crumbs that made me wish I had a dog to clean it up. Or at the very least, a cat with an affinity for biscuit-style cookies.

Overall thoughts: I ended up wishing that this had just been a normal Milano cookie. Pumpkin spice didn't improve anything, it basically just replaced the flavor you already love.
Grade: C+

** EDIT **

My Trivia team loved the cookies. Then again, they were drunk and didn't know which TV show from the 70s started with, "HEY YOU GUYYYYSS."

So perhaps not the best judges of taste. 

**FURTHER EDIT**

Uhh... Hello "Brown Butter Pumpkin Spice Milano Rice Krispy Treats." http://www.thesmartcookiecook.com/2014/08/27/brown-butter-pumpkin-spice-milano-rice-krispie-treats/

Don't mind if I do. 

Let's Talk Pumpkin Spice

She's back, and better than ever!

Or rather - She's back, and rocking a part-time job while she works on the whole writing thing.

But enough about me. Let's talk about something that everyone can enjoy. Pumpkin spice, amirite? It's everywhere!

But for real, it's everywhere. Like... an absurd amount of pumpkin spiced items.

Half of the pumpkin spice stuff you see in stores looks disgusting, and half of it looks amazing. How is a person supposed to know what's good and what's not? Who has the money to buy it all and try it out?! Not this girl.

And yet, I'm going to do it anyway. I feel it's a good use of my limited income.

Every day in October, I will take it upon myself to try a different pumpkin spiced item and let you know what you should buy, and what you can probably pass on.

Last year I tried to do this exact same thing. But as it turned out, my body was not willing. It all started with me fainting during a blood test and ended with my doctor congratulating me for having Western European heritage. As these things so often do.

Long story short, in 2013 I was forbidden to eat unhealthy food for the entire month of October. So by the time winter came around, I was left with a tub of uneaten pumpkin spice cream cheese, a bag of moldy pumpkin bagels, and a regret that I had let the fall season slip through my fingers. NEVER AGAIN. So allow me to introduce:

The Great Pumpkin Spice Countdown

I'm working on a better name for this, but you would be shocked at how difficult it is to come up with good pumpkin puns, or to slip the word "pumpkin" into anything. Various eliminated options included:

1. Pumkingeddon
2. Armapumpkin
3. The Pumpkin Spice Season: Quetzalcoatl's Revenge
4. Release the Pumpken! (It's a Kraken reference. GET IT?)
5. Squashtober

Actually I already prefer Squashtober. Let's go with that. I'm changing it up.

The Great Pumpkin Spice Squashtober Spice Countdown

Hm... Maybe not? I'm open to better ideas.

Some of the things I plan to eat/drink this month:

1. Pumpkin spice Milano cookies
2. Pumpkin spice marshmallows
3. Pumpkin flavored vodka. To be drunk while I watch "Hocus Pocus" for the first time.
4. Pumpkin flavored beers. Not sure which ones. Don't know which are best. Will figure out later.
5. Pumpkin Spice Oreos. Yes they exist.

LET THE GREAT SQUASHTOBER SPICE COUNTDOWN BEGIN

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of disgusting food to buy.