Squashtober Spice Countdown Days 28, 29, 30: The Final Trader Joe's Haul

If you're looking to get a bunch of pumpkin crap from Trader Joe's go in the next few days. Because they have transferred all their pumpkin accouterments into one giant food rack and marked everything down. 

And might I suggest starting with:

These were less pumpkin-ish and more just... like Trader Joe's collected all the spices that go into a pumpkin pie, and put them in a cookie. But didn't add the pumpkin. Still pretty good.

Grade: A

Now who wants to try a pumpkin spice organic Pop-Tart?!

Well too bad because I managed to burn the most easy to prepare food in this universe.

In my defense, it's been 7 years since I've toasted a Pop-Tart. I think they must have changed the chemical composition so that it cooks faster.

I toasted another so that I wouldn't be unbiased, but I needn't have bothered. These were bad. Pretty flavorless, and the flavor that was there was bizarre. Plus super dry. Could have used my mom's secret Pop-Tart ingredient: butter spread along the unfrosted side.

Grade: D

And finally, we come to the pumpkin bread. Something that everyone has tried, I'm sure.

I have nothing ground-breaking to add here, except that the Trader Joe's brand is pretty good. Moist, yummy, etc. A little crumbly, though. Which is what lead to my slice of bread looking more like dog food. To dress it up, a smiley face was attempted. Scones were added. 

To no avail. 

Grade: B+

Overall Thoughts: Trader Joe's is a magical place. A place with enormous 98 cent bags of off-brand Cheetos and frozen naan. They do - unfortunately - judge your decisions to buy ten pumpkin-flavored items and also hot dogs. They don't like it when you buy hot dogs. 

Squashtober Spice Countdown Day 27 - Pillsbury Pumpkin Cookies

This was one of the first items that I bought, but I was so utterly convinced that I would hate them, that they sat in the refrigerator for weeks.

Mostly it's because I thought that the chocolate chips were white chocolate. And due to an unfortunate situation from my childhood where I threw back 5 Hershey's Cookies and Cream Bars...

Never. Again. Truly. Until the day I die, a piece of this candy bar will never touch my lips.

But as it turns out, the chips are cream cheese flavored. That changes things. The cookies were pretty good. They taste like pumpkin pie filling that you take out of a can. Which sounds gross, I suppose. But it's not. And the cream cheese chips work with the canned pumpkin pie filling. It all just sort of... blends. 

Overall Thoughts: These are an excellent way to entertain a 4-year-old for about 5 seconds. What a fool I was, thinking I had bought myself 20 minutes worth of fun. 

Grade: B+

Squashtober Spice Countdown Day 26 - Chipotle Pumpkin Salsa

Do you know Chef Rick Bayles? Because I sure as hell didn't. But this salsa places a lot of faith in the fact that you have heard of Chef Rick Bayles and that you trust him enough that you'll eat his pumpkin salsa.

Ol' Rick uses words like "velvety pumpkin" and "sweet-smoky glow" to describe his salsa. Which... yeah sure. I get that. You can definitely taste the pumpkin, but it's not overwhelming. And you can also taste the chipotle, which is also not overwhelming. I could sit down and consume half a jar of this.

Overall Thoughts: Chef Rick Bayles recommends that you eat this with artisanal Frontera tortilla chips. However, I found that stale Wheat Thins will also do the trick.
Grade: A

Squashtober Spice Countdown Days 24 & 25 - The Alcohol Smorgasborg

So I went to a Kroger and purchased all the pumpkin beers that I could find. Plus a non-alcoholic pumpkin spice bubbly drink thing.

Due to circumstances beyond my control (Existing in a NyQuil/DayQuil fevered haze in order to stave off cold/flu symptoms) I could not consume any alcoholic beverages, or my liver would explode. 

Thankfully, my boyfriend bravely offered to take the bullet and consume the beers with great gusto while I wrapped myself in a Superman Snuggie and watched Hocus Pocus for the first time.

The non-alcoholic stuff:

That's not my picture. I forgot to take a picture, in fact. And now that bottle is in another state. But you get the idea.

My first thought when I drank this was, "Oh yeah, I would love this if I was 12 years old and drinking it out of a wine glass at my first year at the 'adults table' on Thanksgiving."

But beyond that, it was crazy fruity and tasted a lot like apples, actually. Which makes sense, since I think it's about equal parts apple and pumpkin.

Grade: B-

The alcoholic stuff:

The boyfriend wanted to be super thorough and snooty with his assessments. Which are as follows:

Wilhelm Scream by Magic Hat
Appearance: Gold Amber
Head: Thin
Nose: Sweet Malt
Palate: Sweet Corn with metallic pumpkin spice. Thin and watery.
Notes: This beer is horrible, don't buy it. 

Woodchuck Pumpkin Reserve
Appearance: I forgot to fill this line out and now the beer is gone. 
Head: Non existent
Nose: Sweet nutmeg
Palate: Semi-Dry cider with pumpkin and spice
Notes: Only tastes like pumpkin when warm, but a good cider.

Jawjacker Arcadia Brewing
Appearance: I forgot to fill this line out and now the beer is gone. 
Head: None
Nose: Flemish Sour
Palate: Tastes like Hannah's pumpkin pie that she made with too much spice. Horrible beer, the bottle might have gone off.

Pumpkick
Notes: Pumpkin pie in a bottle. End of Story.

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Let it be known that I resent his assessment of my pumpkin pie. It was delicious. Delicious and spicy. 

Working on a post with a play-by-play of my first experience with Hocus Pocus. I have a lot of thoughts. A lot of Bette Midler thoughts. 

Squashtober Spice Countdown Day 23: ICE CREAM

I like to play it fast and loose when it comes to lactose sensitivity. Am I going to eat ice cream right before boarding a plane with no chance for escape and federal laws mandating that I not leave my seat? Probably not.

But do I risk a bowl of Pilgrim Joe's pumpkin ice cream from the safety of my own apartment and its proximity to a familiar bathroom?

 Obviously.

After searching high and low for an ice cream bowl that would be ideal for presenting this delicious treat, I remembered that I don't have any ice cream bowls, and instead I scooped it all into a mug.

And then I added pumpkin spice whipped cream.

Pretty freaking delicious. Ice cream is one of those things that isn't hurt by being pumpkin flavored. You don't find yourself wishing you were just eating the original flavor, because there isn't really an "original" flavor with ice cream.

Unless you are one of those people that gets into a huge line at an ice cream place just to order vanilla at the end. Which - why? And... ugh.

Overall Thoughts: "Pilgrim Joe's" - Is that a cutesy name for any and all food at Trader Joe's that could conceivably be eaten during autumn? Or maybe you would have to be able to consume it at Thanksgiving dinner for it to merit the name?
Grade: A

Squashtober Spice Countdown Days 21 & 22: Pumpkin Breakfast

Pumpkin for breakfast, pumpkin for lunch, pumpkin for dinner. These are the sacrifices I make when I'm trying to make up a week of missed posts.

Pumpkin bars and Pumpkin O's?! Trader Joe's, you always provide.

So the pumpkin O's basically taste like Apple Jacks but... pumpkinier? That's a word. Ooo I bet they'd be good mixed up with Apple Jacks. Or Cocoa Pebbles? Or Lucky Charms?! Ugh, no. That would be terrible. Just stick with plain Pumpkin O's.

The pumpkin bars, however? Pretty good. I would eat those outside of pumpkin season, which I think probably indicates that it's good food.

Overall Thoughts: 8am is too early for pumpkin. It's an afternoon squash at best.
Grade: Pumpkin Bars - A
Pumpkin O's - B

Squashtober Spice Countdown Days 17, 18, 19, 20: All the Pumpkin Desserts

Trying to catch up, here. I went to Trader Joe's and discovered that they have ALL THE PUMPKIN. So get ready for a ton of Trader Joe's stuff coming up, here.

My dessert smorgasbord:

1) Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice Salted Caramels
2) Trader Joe's pumpkin seed brittle
3) Jell - O Pumpkin Spice Cheesecake
4) Pumpkin Whipped Cream 

My personal favorite of the group? The brittle and the salted caramels. Both were saltier than you'd imagine, but still good.

And really, there's only one way to eat a pumpkin Jell-O cup, and that's with pumpkin whipped cream on top.

The whipped cream was good, the Jell - O was disgusting. They took the whole cheesecake thing too far. It tasted... sour. Somehow. However I would (and will) add that whipped cream to my coffee tomorrow because deep down, I am Leslie Knope.
 

Overall Thoughts: Why must all pumpkin items come in bulk? It's not a flavor that people usually want to gorge themselves on. You just want a little bit and then you're done. 

Unrelated note: If you want 3.5 uneaten pumpkin spice Jell - O pudding cups, just let me know. 

Grade (s): 

Whipped Cream: B+

Brittle: A

Caramels: B

Jell - O : D